Big Ben Is Not Dumb


To begin with, I am not making fun of what happened to Big Ben today, nor am I suggesting that I am happy that it happend.  That aside, I'd like to point out something that others may have missed.  Most people in the blogosphere and the sportsworld are already attacking Roethlisberger because of his refusal to wear a helmet, especially after what happened to KII.  However, I think there's an angle that they're all missing.

      As I have mentioned before, and even talk about in my FAQ section, the majority of the people in Pittsburgh are, in fact, not attractive.  This point in not arguable, and I am not the first to bring this up.  However, Mr. Roethlisberger (minus his caveman beard) wasn't all that bad looking if I may say so as a straight man.  He seems to do well with the ladies, and he has that whole 'bad boy' look going for him.  Problem is, by not being ugly he doesn't fit in with the rest of the community. 

     Thus, in order to repel his feelings of being a misfit and to avoid being an outcast with his homely neighbors, Ben decided to take action.  He's been trying for over a year in fact.  Since he first responded to Winslow's accided by saying that he refuses to wear a helmet.  At the time, everyone thought he was just young and dumb.  But oh no, there is method to his madness.  Ben was simply, desperatly trying to fit in.  And today, with one fell faceplant into a windshield while not wearing his helmet, he has accomplished that. 

     Yes, like Rudulph, the ugly duckling, Shrek, so many 8th graders, and Buffalo Bill from "Silence of the Lambs", Ben Roethlisberger was just trying to fit in with everyone else around him.  One brojen jaw, a nine-inch laceration, and a broken sinus cavity later, Big Ben is no longer a Pittsburgh misfit.  He will forever be perfectly in tune with the rest of his Pittsburgh brethren:  Ugly and Dumb.

(editor's note:  The posting of these comments were made only after his health and general well-being were confirmed to be OK.  This was not an attempt to take joy in, celebrate, or find amusing in any way the seriousness of Mr. Roethlisberger's accident.  We at The Burning River wish him a speedy recovery, and would never have wished this on him or any other Steeler, as hard as that is for us to say). 


One Response to Big Ben Is Not Dumb

  1. daily dwayne says:

    OMG….being a steeler’s fan i should be mad…but holy crap this is a funny post. attractive people in pittsburgh are difficult to find…i have to agree

    i hope ben’s ok

    oh and for good measure…the browns suck

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