Does it get any Better?

April 28, 2006


A quick word to the editor of GodHatesClevelandSports:  You will not like this post, it's way to positive.      

     With that out of the way, this could possibly be the best Cleveland sports weekend in a while.  The Tribe are home for a three game series after taking two of three from the Red Sox, the Cavs are in the playoffs and have two games this weekend (which is enough said already), and the NFL draft AKA 'my Christmas in April' is upon us.  I have had this weekend marked on my calendar for a long time, and with the addition of the Cavs playoffs it just makes the next 2 days a holiday from life for me. Let's break this thing down day by day shall we?

Friday:  Rangers at Tribe, and I'll be there sitting in the bleachers.  Not bad, I don't get too fired up for April baseball, but the weather should be nice and the Beer is always flowing.  I may have my first taste of the Stadium Mustard for the weekend as well–which is just a little added bonus.  Not a bad start, but it's time to turn it up a notch.     AT THE SAME TIME, we have LeCavs taking on the Whiz in game three.  Lucky for me I can watch both games since I will have Terrace Club access.  With my continuing Man-Crush on Lebron, I think I may actually watch this game more despite actually being at the tribe game.  Gotta take it easy though, tomorrow is a big day.  

Saturday (aka 'contribute nothing to society day'):  Don't ask me why I look forward to the NFL Draft every year so much.  I can't answer that.  Maybe because it's historically the last day of the year in which we can look optimistically upon our beloved football team.  Yes, it seems like  yesterday I was basking in the afterglow and saying things like "Courtney Brown will turn this D around", or "Gerrard Warren will give this team the jump-start it needs", or my personal favorite "Kellen Winslow will be the best thing that ever happened to Butch Davis."  Yes, somehow I can always walk away from this day feeling great about the upcoming football season at hand.  And that's about is good as it gets lately.     

     Anyway, besides the actual draft which is basically one suspense thriller every 15 minutes, it is also the official opening day for the Burning River Grill, which will be responsible for adding about 10 pounds of beef to my Burning River Gut.  Then we break out the greatest outdoor game known to man, followed up by several hours of football toss, all centered around the Burning River Draft Day Drinking Game.  Usually i'm pass out by 5pm, and am completely useless until Tuesday.  Again, not sure why I love this day so much.

Sunday:   This day is great because you have a recovery day to examine your teams day one draft, and because there's still more to come!  I love day 2 of the draft because this is when Mel Kiper is at his best.  Nothing like hearing him breakdown the 'hip-flex' of a 6th round Guard out of Ball State.  Also, having went to Toledo, this is the day I get to see all of our guys drafted, nice little touch.  However, since this is a Super-Weekend, we get to conclude it with Game 4 of the LeBronaliers-Whiz series.  Hopefully Lebron pulls another superman act like he did in Game 1, and I can rename this site "LeBurning River."  Actually, that sounds pretty good.

     Having said all of this, and knowing that this is Cleveland, and according to some God hates us, this could all go horribly wrong.  It COULD turn out to be one of the worst weekends ever–but I'll let some other blog point out all the possibilities, I'm sure he'll be all over it.   I'd rather not think about it quite yet.

The result of all this mayhem?  I get to be completely useless at work on Monday.  Oh yeah, and don't expect an update for a while.

Stay Classy Cleveland!


Return to Normalcy

April 26, 2006


     Yep, that's more like it.  I guess we had our three days of fun basking in the afterglow of LeBron's superman act on Saturday.  I do like how everyone is talking about how the Whiz "contained" LeBron to 26 points.  You know you're good when teams are happy that you only got 26 in a game.  Also, I didnt make it to the game, but was that booing that I heard at one point in the game last night?  If so, that's just ridiculous. 

Then to top if off, as I'm on my way home from the sports bar watching the game, I get treated to a Tom Hamilton home run call of Manny Ramirez's game winning 3-run shot.  And, did we really walk someone to get to Manny?  I'm still trying to process that one. 

Have a great Wednesday Cleveland, we're back to being shitty again.

Christmas Day is Coming!

April 24, 2006

     So after reading The Rhino's post today I remembered that I originally started this site to be mainly a Browns site (hence the header's color), but since I started in in the Spring it's mostly been Cavs and Tribe.  So, I figured I'd actually get over my man-crush on Lebron and actually post about the Browns for once.

     However, DON'T expect to see a mock draft on this site ever.  Not by me, or another blogger, or Mel Kiper jr, or even Mel Kiper Sr. for that matter.   First off, I think mock drafts are pretty much a waste to begin with.  After the first 4 or 5 picks, even Mel Kiper is wrong on about 80% of his projections, and that's all he does!  So the question I ask is, if Mel Kiper is mostly wrong, why the hell would you even read what any reporter or (especially) a blogger has to say about the draft? 

     Nonetheless, regular peons like you and I still post their 'mock drafts' like they even know what the names Sam, Mike, and Will mean in football.  I'd like to think I know more than the average fan about football, even if that's true I still wouldn't even come close to acting like I really knew who was going to be picked on draft day.  This is seriously the most worthless excercise ever.  It's one thing when MKJ does it, since he gets paid to, but when everyone with a blog starts breaking the draft down for you, it's a little ridiculous.

    With that being sad, the NFL Draft is like Christmas in Spring for me.  It's your first taste of football after several boring winter months.  I seriously look forward to parking my self in front of the old big for 8+ hours of Mel Kiper in HD, and putting on 15 pounds of beer and chip weight!  Nothing really could be better.  Later in the week, I may post ourannual NFL Draft drinking game rules just for fun.  Maybe we can compare notes.

     Until then, and just to reiterate my love for the Browns, and my hatred for P*******gh, here are (courtesy, the hottest girls that P*******gh has to offer: 

Hottest girls in P-burgh

Welcome to LePlayoffs

April 22, 2006


     Breaking the no posting on the weekends rule for this one.  Finally got back from the game after fighting the traffic, and Spiderman.  I think this picture pretty much says it all.  Indeed we are all witnesses.  I'm pretty sure this is the guy we'll all be telling our grandkids about years from now like my grandfather has told me about Jim Brown a million times.  Of course, we still aren't going to win anything in all likelihood, but having this guy on your team kinda makes me think we…no, nevermind. 

UPDATE:  Clearly somone from the Plain Dealer is an avid reader of The River, as the Sunday Sports page headline screamed "Welcome to LeShow."  And clearly no one else in the world thought of using a Le____ word.  I rule.

This Can’t be Good

April 21, 2006


     Unreal.  So i'll just skip all the talk about the jinx and ask how we think this will turn out.  So, what are our choices?  LeBron breaks his leg before a game 7?  Maybe.  A clutch shot at the buzzer by Gilbert  Arenas?  Maybe.  Or, maybe even worse…we'll get to the finals only to lose in some heartbreaking fashion.  My guess is a combination of all three somehow.

Dan Gilbert is clearly new to the River

April 20, 2006


     This post isn't about evaluating Dan Gilbert as an Owner.  For the record though, I happen to like Gilbert–especially the way he is so bullish on the city of Cleveland.  The guy has done more for the development of the Cleveland area in the last year, than our last two Mayor's combined.  But, that's not for this blog. 

     However, it became very apparent to me in an interview with the Plain Dealer that Gilbert gave this week that he has not completely read up on the history of this great city.  Here is the excerpt in question:

Q: You've talked about wanting to end Cleveland's championship drought. When is your ultimate goal for that to happen?

A (Gilbert): As soon as possible. I have no doubt it's going to happen, it's just a matter of when.

Whoa now!  The comes right out and claims that he will be the Messiah that brings us a championship?  That's either really ballsy, really really stupid, or really naive.  I'm going with the latter of the three, but the point is someone needs to educate this guy on where he his. 

     Hasn't he seen "The Shot" over and over again?  Does he even know about Jim Chones and his untimely broken foot?  Does he not know that winning a championship in this city isn't just 'winning a championship'?  That who ever brings a championship to this city and puts out the blaze that is The Burning River will be Idolized for Centuries?  Hell, if he IS the own that does it, we'll all be living in LeCleveland, and everyone will give their kids names that begin with 'Q'.  That several communities will probably vie for the right to be called "Gilbertville" or "Gilbertland"?    That his children will subsequently be referred to as "the royal bloodline"?

You don't just make statements like that in this city.  People are bound to get all fired up and think that we have a chance.  And you know what happens then…let's just say that at least this time Michael Jordan won't be involved.

3 More Days…

April 19, 2006

t1_james.jpgYep, just three more days until us Cleveland fans enter that weird place that our teams go to about once every five years.  What is it called again?  Playins?  No.  Playouts?  No.  Ah, that's right, it's the playoffs.  Seriously though, despite the fact that I know that nothing good can come of this (because, I mean it's Cleveland in the playoffs, nothing good ever comes of that) I'm still giddy thinking about watching LeBron in his playoff debut.  I'm so excited that I even scooped myself up some shitty seats for the game.  Years from now (probably about two), when Lebron leaves Cleveland and brings multiple championships to some luck city, i'll be able to say I was at his first playoff game.  That's about as good as it gets in Cleveland!

UPDATE:  If anyone is interested, I had two friends back out, so these seats are now available.